An apple in an orange tree

How I wish I can go back to the time when I still don’t know him yet. All the while, I’ve been missing old Sofia who has never been known a man named ‘…’ I don’t want to blame anyone for what happened in everything but its just like a realization that since the day I’ve known him, so m things happened and it is basically bad..bad specifically heartaches. Yeah! how I missed ‘kuya’ its been past two months since were apart. Until now, so many questions unanswered, so many ways unused and so many words unspoken. I really have no idea what’s going on and as if it will remain like this. I don’t want to hope or better said I hate to hope but if I will be given a chance to correct my mistakes, I will certainly grab it.

Is this really the end…?? oh! how I hate to admit it but I know I have no choice. Acceptance is what’s on my mind now, accept the fact that this happens because of me. Honestly, I’m perfectly doing it, just a little questions unanswered still in a process but I know it will gone as time goes by.

And to ‘…’ (says sorry, I almost blame you for what happened to us me and kuya..stated above) I would like to say thank you. Thank you for the time, for the coke, for the dance, and most especially for the music. You will remain my DAM as ever. Just remember, I have never feel any hatred or anger against you, I don’t know why but maybe because I only want to remember the day, time we met than what’s in the passed. You know what? It’s hard to believe but I didn’t hope for any possibility but still…….I must confess..that’s it! a music. Anyway, I have a quote for you “love is friendship set to music” yeah! Thanks to me! for the friendship although it’s not the perfect word to describe 

And as life goes on….I’m happy…why? because even if all of these happened I’m still in love. It really makes me happy to fall. And I will never ever forget them as I move on. I know, so easy to say but so hard to do but I will because this is what love taught to me. Moving on…Thanks kuya and to you and most especially to God, for he always have given me time, the time to pray, to talk, to listen, to accept, to forgive, to dream, to discover, and to love……….still.

Be back for another story..….and thanks to music for it helps and inspires me a lot……fia 

“Being broken hearted is not always about letting go of someone, but it’s about zeroing in on a problem”

No matter how the relationship goes there comes a point that you have to let go just to lessen the problems that is really troubling you. And it is definitely a way to get rid of more pain. But what is the worst thing about it is that, if it only one heart ends up broken. After all, breaking up is not easy to do. It really hurts to throw away your story with someone. From all the good memories and plans to the worst thing happened that you two had. It’s not easy to do. Because it takes time to forget someone. It takes courage to go. And it takes extreme laughter to stay happy.

So now what? What are your plans for the future without the person you thought who’s going to be your companion? Think of these. Absolutely, it would be a bigger help if you try to get busy, watch movie, travel, and anything as long as it finds something to do. Because if you’re busy, there’s no time for you to think the person you’re trying to forget. Have friends? This will certainly make you feel good. Friends can make you happy and most importantly can make you realize how important you are. About the person you are trying to forget? Avoid the person! Try not to hear the music that will remember of you of that person, try not to go to the place where you know you can meet him/her, And if you meet him/her somewhere, just be nice but find an excuse to go away, because it could be hard for you to forget if you two keep seeing each other. Another is, go out and see some different faces. Wear your best clothes, best make up, and best smile. When you go out, you notice that the person you’re trying to forget is not the only one who’s got a perfect smile and an amazing voice. And lastly, stay beautiful! Take good care of yourself and do whatever you can to prevent it.

But you can’t help those hurtful feelings can you? Sometimes, you tend to go into a quiet dark, little place, where you can play out your little dramas that can be so hurtful to you. Indeed, one of the most important things you can do is by crying, it is normal when you get hurt. When you cry, you let go of part of your anger and hurt so you can feel less heavy. It’s getting rid of the pain. And it’s best for you.

Undeniably, I know all of these are not the easy to do. But you have to. Because there’s no more time to go back were you’ve been before, before that you had him/her. Believe me! This will gonna be a bigger help. Anyway I am not 100% referring only to all the readers but to myself especially, because these are the things I have to do. I’m keeping this since I became one but unfortunately I am still in a process of it now (well..it really takes time to forget..more time to get rid of him). I just thought to share it so I can have at least companion for this feeling, a feeling of being broken (I mean zeroing in on our problems).

anyways.. YOU IS ACTUALLY ME…

Goodnight to all!

“You can continue loving someone but you can’t continue expecting that everything would happen”. That’s what I’ve learned in my lovelife now as it appears to be, I just used to laugh in our ways to communicate each other because in reality I have no choice; no text messages, no chat for busy mode, no comment and messages in friendster until there is a problem, no viewing of profile, no in a relationship status, and most especially no ways of communication which would came me first. Disappointing, isn’t it? But I chose to accept it because in return he would stay (as what I believe).

 But one thing I’ve realized when I viewed his friendster account last June 3, which is I have to end my expectations mostly. Is it really fair that I wasn’t included on his featured friends while his ex was there? one reason. While his shoutout which is obviously not for me because as I’ve remember we are ok, does it mean I’m not the one he was jealous with? another dilemma. Anyway that’s what you called CRAZY THING ABOUT ME! Expecting is my number one problem in entering a relationship. How poor as I considered myself a foolish one because of this.it hurts..but the reality covered me.

 Absolutely, now is the time I would really do everything to end this. Unless he is the one who will make the step. Well..good luck to your studies, and for now my goal is not important, what really important to me is my pride which is apparently ended. Bye!

Breakaway….  

I’m about to forget him..hopefully!

but why i can’t???????

you should be happy now because you hurt me!

painful i am..

I just hope the one i met from tagged would help me out you from my mind!

loser I am!

It’s like a simple thing goes by while the hurtful heart still opens to the new ideas and possibilities. I think I shall never see that. “Move on” that’s what I’m trying to do now! I remember when I posted on my shoutout that no one can help me except my ibadat. Yes, it is true, a cycle of loving which is not easy to face. Until now I’m asking to myself, what if I didn’t ask him those questions? Is this would happen?

Whatever it is, just have fun. If you only knew, I am not expecting we will be together for how many years at least but I am hoping that I will be with you so you cannot tell to yourself that you are worthless because for me you are worth enough. I hate myself for doing this crazy stuff but I can’t help it. This declaration is the craziest thing I did because of such loving you. That’s it; I’m still in love of you!!

  They say, when you want to keep a long-term relationship going, then you have to accept many qualities of the other person, some of it you may not necessarily like. But where is that long-term relationship now they say?! I did everything; I’m sure of it! I keep an open mind about his qualities especially the time he cannot completely give to me…I didn’t complain when the four days passes without any text from him, when he doesn’t greet for our monthsarry I didn’t complain too..why? because it would only turn into fight which I’m afraid of and most especially the phrase “be open-minded” that I have to consider.

  Patience?! such a lovely word which I don’t have to explain more because all the patience in the world was I provided. Because of him I learned to wait, I learned to control my anger and everything…so much everything………..

  Now! I had realized all of these, if there are any person don’t want to agree with me at least for myself ..It’s not the open-mindedness and patience all the time that may keep the relationship lasts. The opinion of one from the two is most likely the first reason, such as the distance. How can the relationship survive if the only one believes it is not the hindrances anymore? The communication. How can the relationship live if the only one communicates? The word “believes”. How the relationships can continue if the only one believes it will lasts? And love. How can the relationship go on if the only one so in love? Although the other one has a feeling too it becomes worthless because it is important that the two has similar feelings towards each other. Perhaps, he has the other so I’m not that important to stay away from his life (an idea not really comes from me because I believe I was the only one(as what i want to believe), the nearly reason was at the above but this was clear concluded by my friend’s boyfriend when I asked him what is the possible reason he did this to me)

  So? What more words do I need to say? I was hurt but I have no choice..he ended this so it has to be ended with that….I just hope someday he will realize how crazy and important I am. Friends?! I don’t know..this is so impossible I didn’t expect this will happen because I expected a lot before so I don’t think I will now..

What did I learned from this relationship?

You have to perfect the understanding and caring..simple “take care” and “I understand” can make him happy

Don’t let your little dramas of self-pity will dump yourself because it can be hurtful like what I did..so learn to share it to others at least to those you can trust with

Vacation time..we have to admit we need a vacation so we can easily forget so I’m expecting I would have it on my own

Don’t memorize his contact number..believe me this is the best thing you can do to yourself!

Probably, erase the songs that will remind of you of him

If he has with someone then let go of him

Don’t commit if he cannot survive the distance you two have

Lastly, open-mindedness and patience?! well..it’s all up to you!

how sad!

from all of the things i did just for him to stay

the end is still the result..

how painful but i have to move on

because i know it would hurt me more 

how i wish..it would be easy for me to do it

thanks for everything..

i know u can achieve your goal in life

goodbye!

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh…
Oh oh oh…

[Verse 1]

She’s starin’ at me,
I’m sittin’, wonderin’ what she’s thinkin’.
Mmmmm
Nobody’s talkin’,
‘Cause talkin’ just turns into screamin’.
Ohhh…
And now is I’m yellin’ over her,
She’s yellin’ over me.
All that that means
Is neither of us is listening,
(And what’s even worse).
That we don’t even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for…

[Hook]

Nothin’
(Fighting for).
Nothin’
(Crying for).
Nothin’
(Whoahhh).
But we won’t let it go for
Nothin’
(No not for)
Nothin’.
This should be nothin’ to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby…

I know sometimes
It’s gonna rain…
But baby, can we make up now
‘Cause I can’t sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

[Chorus]

Girl, I don’t wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don’t want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don’t wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don’t want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no…

[Verse 2]

And it gets me upset, girl
When you’re constantly accusing.
(Askin’ questions like you’ve already known).
We’re fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain’t the way that love is supposed to go).

Whoaaaaaaaaa…
[What happened to workin’ it out].
We’ve falled into this place
Where you ain’t backin’ down
And I ain’t backin’ down.

So what the hell do we do now…
It’s all for…

[Hook]

Nothin’
(Fighting for).
Nothin’
(Crying for).
Nothin’
(Whoahhh).
But we won’t let it go for
Nothin’
(No not for)
Nothin’.
This should be nothin’ to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby…

I know sometimes
It’s gonna rain…
But baby, can we make up now
‘Cause I can’t sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

[Chorus]

Girl, I don’t wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don’t want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don’t wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don’t want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no…

[Bridge]

Oh baby this love ain’t gonna be perfect,
(Perfect, perfect, oh oh).
And just how good it’s gonna be.
We can’t fuss and we can’t fight
Long as everything allright between us
Before we go to sleep.

Baby, we’re gonna be happy.

I know sometimes
It’s gonna rain…
But baby, can we make up now
‘Cause I can’t sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

[Chorus]

Girl, I don’t wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don’t want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don’t wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don’t want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no…

mad mode…

nice song but hurt me a lot…..???????

what was surprising was that I had realized how much this person important to me

And so I am hoping I can still have more patience for the incoming days…

I would like to share with you this true story which really struck you..

It all started when we were 7 years old. My family and i had a vacation. We went to the province to visit our relatives. There i met him. He was very charming back then. He loved to dance and most of the time we were paired off and our parents as the moderators, were judging who dances well. One day we, together with my siblings, decided to go out and find some ripe fruits. we walked and walked until we reached a rail road. Few minutes passed and we heard a train comming. as fast as we could we ran until we got to a safer place. Then i asked him. “What came into your mind when you heard the train?, because me i nearly jumped to the river out of my panick. Good thing Lei(one of my siblings) pushed me to run instead.” Then he replied, ” i thought of you, maybe if you jumped to the river i will jump also to save you or worst, to die with you. I will not allow something bad to happen to you.” I was touched by his answer. He was the first and only person who gave that much importance to me. Then i replied laughing “.. wow!! Im touched..” and he just smiled. After that incident, we went back and a few weeks later my family and i went home.
I never took what he said seriuosly, but then there were times when i can’t help smiling when i remembered the lines he told me. Years have passed, i almost forgot the memories i had with this boy. Untill one day one of my realtives came for a visit and i was surprised to saw him. According to my tita she asked him to accompany her in going to manila because she is not comfortable travelling alone. My tita greeted me and told lots of stories. We were all laughing but he remained quiet and just smiling. Then my mama suddenly asked me to cook something for our visitors while my tita asked him to help me. I am guilty of being lazy that is why up to now i don’t have that much knowledge in cooking. But since i was given a task to cook and i am too shy to show him that i didn’t know how to cook, i tried it even though i know that i will surely fail. Minutes passed and when i think he cannot stopped his self, he asked me ” .. do you really know how to cook?.. shyly i said no.. it was the first time i heard him laugh. He reached for the knife on my hand and do the cooking. From that day we bacame close friends. Though he only stayed in our house for i week, we have already built a strong friendship. We continously communicating with each other, at first by mail then through texting. 11 years passed so fast. It was my debut when he came to see me. I knew that he will call that night to greet me and to say his wishes, but i was shocked when he suddenly showed up and told me he loves me. When i found my voice I asked him if it was just as a friend. Maybe i have just misinterpreted what he just told me. But to my surprise he told me that he loves me as a woman, As a lover. I felt that the scene was too heavy so with the intention to lighten up the mood i laughed and laughed to show him that i was not taking it seriusly and that i am not affected. I saw the pain on his face as he walked out of our house. The next day, he was not talking to me and was avoiding me, i realized then that i hurt him, so i talked to him seriusly and told him the implications of what he did. We never had a decision but we already knew deep inside our heart that there was something special between us. There was where the problem started. I knew that it was wrong… to love him? but the problem was i cannot control my self because deep inside me i also knew that i love him so much… Years passed, we remained on this exclusive relationship.. though there was no formal agreement , but we were both expressing our love to each other on our own little way. But there came a point when i have decided to stop this because i knew from the very start that it was wrong. I ended up hurting both of us. I lied to him that i already have a boyfriend and showed him that i didn’t love him anymore. I know that he hated me so much. there came a time that i didn’t answer my phone if i know that it was him. He came to our house but i treated him like a ghost. It was very had at first but i know i have to do it……… because this boy which is now a man is my cousin.